I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go
this song means alot to me.. more than you'll ever know..
.with loads of L-H-K dude. *grins*
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 7:04 pm
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i just realised im blogging almost EVERY day..
my 4 weeks of break/holiday is coming to an end..
a part of me says
"YEAY! FINALLY i cn do some work!".. another part of me just doesnt want this to end..
i know i shld just shuddup, stop complaining about not having any work to do & just enjoy staying at home as much as i possibly can. but still, im starting to feel very fidgety.. & its SO not helping that something is changing in my life. a gd thing i mean.
i used to never understand why a certain couple needed to see each other practically 24/7.. but, i think i do understand it now.. damn! talk abt mellowing man..
maybe, knowing that im gonna be a year older SOON, its changing my perception of things. i cnt help it! i feel my hormones are changing on overdrive! jeez...
alright, alright.. enuf abt hormones & changes & perceptions. i think ive decided on what i want for my birthday.. nyeheheh.. rmbr, i said i was gonna have a list this time round??
ok, so u guys just shuddup & entertain me on this one hokaaaay??
Nurul's 20th bday LIST:1. black Puma sling bag2. FOSSIL watch3. the entire series of "THIRD WATCH"4. crumpler bag for my laptop! (heheh)5. tank tops from Topshop (im a size 14 btw..)6. new Roxy wallet..7. creative Zen plus (preferably in lime green & black please)i think i shld stop now.. gee.. sesungguhnyer ini akan melobangkan pockets korang.. but still, if these were to be given to me. my gaaaawd! ill love u all till death do us part.. =)
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 6:48 pm
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i have to blog about this before SHE busts my butt!
ok my dear engineer.. this part of my entry is dedicated to u & mr A.
sooo.. my dearest friend here.. she has the most unbelievable crush on mr A. apparently, he turns her on in evry way possible. haha.. well, i've been encouraging to tell mr A. how she feels abt him.. & finally, pujuk punya pujuk.. she only managed to do this!
i dnt think u cn see it.. but she cld only muster up the courage to add him on MSN.. like seriously! beb.. u haf to work on it more k.. heheh.. ill be 100% behind u ALL ZE WAY...
ok.. moving on, i just got back from sending my bro & 3 of his friends to their prom at Fort Canning (eh-eh.. sesungguhnyer aku baru sadar adikku ni sudah grown up) .. he came along too.. as my company cum navigator! member siap dengan street directory semua lah. terperanjat aku skejap.. but it was a great help in the end.. we got lost for awhile.. but the boys behind were great sports lah.. dorang sungguh bersabar!
oh, the dad actually allowed me to use the car for the night.. so aper lagi.. he & I ber-dating lah! haha.. after dropping the boys at THE LEGENDS HOTEL, we headed to west coast to makan.. & yeah.. thats about it..
simply put, it was a wonderfully chilly night. i loved every minute of it.. thank you my dear. for everything..
shit fana.. u think im turning mellow? i think i AM lah siol! hahaha...
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 10:43 pm
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i couldnt have asked for a better date..
it all started with wanting to check fana out at her new workplace..
member sedang ber-training beb...
oh let's backtrack for abit shall we? well, me & sally went to
THE shortest haflah
EVER in the morning.. woke up at 8am just for a 30 min haflah.. how very cooool... *add ur own tone of sarcasm here please* so with time to kill till abt 1pm, both of us had a McD breakfast, then headed back to my place.. chilled with Charmed for awhile.. & i did her nails too! haha.. (hope u like it beb..)
so after zuhur, abri came up to my place, then we all met
the dude at the bus stop.. he was from a jemputan.. so yeah.. anyways.. long story short.. it was kinda like a triple date.. yes..
& its the 1st time EVER i brought along a guy to meet my mad girls.. (minus nisa & azi.. )
then, at e makan table.. my gaaaawd! all hair let loose.. fuuh!! ketawa sampai pecah2 perut! i swear i thought i had a hernia lah.. it was THAT funny.. seriously.. try putting an ex-army officer, 1 army regular & another soon-to-be army regular together.. wahpiang!! e male bonding was enuf to make me think they're starting another gay club! gee...
laughing session ended in a decision to go bowling.. so bowling it was..
the typical girls vs. guys crap lah..
& omg! at many points of time, me & fana just sat back & watched how the guys
"showed affection" to each other. HILARIOUS!!
its a guy thing huh beb.. haha..
however, there's just one thing i wished i cld wish for.. that is to capture the whole moment on video.. sally is right.. wldnt it be great if we cn just freeze time? but then again, this is one of those memorable days which will forever be etched deep in my thoughts..
finally, to complete my already great day, we had our most meaningful conversation yet, over desserts. suddenly, i feel so thankful for evrything. yes.. i cldnt have been happier =)
thank u so much dude. seriously. many more dates ahead?? haha..
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 11:44 pm
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i think the sky's gonna be pretty tonight =)
i just love looking out my window.. gives me that sense of peace..
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 7:21 pm
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i
PASSED my friggin exams!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! =)
that's one part of my joy of the day.. the other part was movie watching with
him. like finally his exams are over! now we cn both enjoy the last week of my holidays.. heheh..
anihoots.. he wanted to watch this..
i didn't even know the review of this movie lah.. but now i dont regret watching it. it's hilarious beb! especially the latino-penguin-mafias.. oh wells.. just go watch it if u wanna have a good laugh.. BUT beware.. it has some violent scenes.. i mean, seriously VIOLENT.. how it got rated PG is a mystery to me..
with ur presence, i lose my sense of time.
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 11:23 pm
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today is "chilling-out-day-with-fidah" day..
too bad the engineer cldnt make it.. (we missed u beb! heh)
met her at JP for carrot cake breakfast. extra black, extra spicy.. just the way we like it.. then, suddenly i had a craving for Ben & Jerry's Choc Fudge Brownie.. so we shared a pint.. yuuuum.... =)
anyways, headed back to her place.. & she put on charmed season 2 on her brand new portable dvd player.. NOW im jealoused! sheesh.. fid, i shld try ur "sueing" method.. might work on the mother! hahaha..
while watching the dvd, we started wondering where the producers actually found all those HOT dudes to act in the series. i mean seriously.. the LEO character.. fuuh.. he looked good younger.. & i also brought my new found toy.. my nail filer.. heheh.. i loved it that we were being total girls.. just gossiping.. oogling.. nail-filing.. hair braiding.. i cldn't have asked for a better date.. thnx beb! now our nails are super duper SHINY! haha..
cant really see the shine.. but it was shiny to us alright.. & now fid's addicted! muahaha ;)
it was tongue lickin' good... =)
ice-cream & charmed aside, the godsis has flown off to thailand for 5 days.. damn im soo gonna miss her. hope she enjoys herself there, InsyaAllah.. she needs the break, badly.. after all that's happening.. oh & i specifically told her not to forget bout me over there! haha.. how self-centred..
right... i might be going to the Adidas sale with the engineer tmr.. might find some pretty long sleeves... & my pay's in! wooooots!!
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 8:13 pm
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1st & foremost..
HAPPY 19TH BDAY TO MY BIATCH.. NURANNISA BTE NOR RIZAN!!!woooots! ur 19 finally darling.. haha.. took u a looong time.. but still, i hope u loved our surprise.. well, speaking of surprises.. let me start by the prep for the surprise itself..
e gfs met & we had a blast lah basically.. we bacame part-time satay "blowers".. fuuuuh.. e drama of actually fanning e glitter.. &
"conan & his balls" were stuck in my head the whole damn day! gee.. Abri, i still think ur Hercules! heh. let Yat be Conan.. (he's the one who cldnt
cut his balls properly!)
alright.. conan & balls aside..
sally, u were victimised! hah.. but we still lurve u!! =)
e satay club members??
ok.. let's all come to the best part.. e SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!
this is the same girl who lamented "i dont want ANYTHING for my bday".. yeah riiite.. who'll believe u now beb?? hah
the bday girl was pretty disappointed when we told azi wasnt coming due to attachment.. but we got another surprise for her.. (we're all very nice ppl.. so keep that in mind.. mcm very heartless to give her just a necklace for a present kan)
anihoots.. ddnt manage to capture the surprise.. but a picture of the "surpriser" will do for now yeah.. haha..
my dearest beloved azi.. yes.. she was actually trying to kill me.. but still, i think u look HOT & SEXY in ur uniform darl.. =) i still love u!!
the FAB 5...
once again.. be happy always ok bday girl!!!
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 9:10 am
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as of yesterday, my family is car-less... & yes, it's all because of me.. got into a tiny mini accident.. heh. i swear it was MINI! dad was pissed off at 1st, but he's ok now.. as long as his daughter's still alive & running riiiiight?? & maybe i told him a nice white lie to cover my very beige butt! =)
anihoots, the repair will cost a whopping $1500.. told the parentals ill repay them back when i start work next year.. haha.. or better still.. ill but them a new car!
so, im currently without any activity/work/blah blah.. the girlfriends are either working till late or having the A's.. gaawd! talk about "no life" man.. oh, & im watching cartoons to make the day pass by quickly. but like
he said "it's a good thing the bro took ur ez link card, at least u cn save$$".. well,
he HAS a point there.
fid asked me whether ill be going to my ex sch band's NCO camp. nah.. i think i kinda lost interest in getting involve with band politics. not that i wasnt good at band politics. its just immature lah. (waaah.. mcm lah aku ni mature sangat!) maybe just the all members band camp next week.. but then agn, she, sal & myself have made our own plans.. muahaha.. we shall drown our sorrows or watever it is in ALL seasons of charmed & get high with diet coke! (for me that is)
i so cant wait for next week.. ill have a gazillion things to do & he's officially done with evrything.. so yeay!! =)
for now.. i shall get lost in MTV & eat chilli tapioca keropoks..
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 3:32 pm
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ok, so faizal & his PE classmate, nurah & bf came to my house on the sole purpose of beraya-ing. that's his reason. yeah riiite, like i believe him. he knows my mum was cooking nasi jagung so aper lagi, ambil kesempatan lah.
he definitely has the gift of a gab & just loves making my life miserable. how i hate him yet how i like him i really don't know. is it just me or do i have a
"please make fun of me" stamped on my forehead?? it's like a freaking pastime for evrybody i know! gee...
oh, & i really think he has something up his sleeves.. this is scaring the crap out of me.. buuuuut.. we shall see..
p.s: im loving the emails & sms-es.. thank u =)
p.p.s: exactly one year ago.. i passed my driving licence.. so as of today.. NO MORE "P" PLATE FOR MEEEEE!! yeay.. i can start driving as & when i like.. gaaawd.. one year flew by so darn quickly. it'll be only a matter of time i start turning 30!
p.p.p.s: wil be meeting some girlfriends tmr after haflah (which ill only attend to collect my report slip & pay the fees.. malas lah.. paham2 jer eh.. even fana isnt going! chet!)
something's stirring in mewhich i cant controlu came into my life months agobut u only really came much laterfor that, im thankfulu brighten up my dayeveryday.
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 8:46 pm
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my left forefinger was bloody bleedin' man! how can i be so stupid as to cut my finger twice? on e bloody same finger & place summore!! (this is wat i call adding salt to e wound)
damn u knife!!!
i dont mean to sound sadistic or sardonic or otherwise, but my finger is itching & throbbing in pain. plaster is not helping. crap!
on the brighter side.. i think im in like =)
dont worry, its not some hot actor or anything. it's a real guy.. (read: real, malay & human)
dnt try to dig any story from me, coz i wont tell u anything till i know wat e bloody hell im doing.
p.s: nisa shld know what this is abt.. rmbr our phone conversation beb?? im working on it!!!! haha..
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 12:42 am
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my hari raya moolahs is officially wiped out.. meaning, my wallet's EMPTY! yes.. empty..
but im damn satisfied with e things i bought. & guess who i went shopping with..
my now very thin (suke perasan diri whom i think is aneroxic) brudder..
i know. of all people riiite? budden arh, i kinda enjoyed our little trip to town. we had our brother-sister bonding time. & he really has good taste.. seriously..
dont ask what i bought though alright.. let's just say i bought my most expensive sandals yet. ok.. shuddup. im happy!!
for now, ill be busy helping mum at e shop.. to refurbish e wallet. heheh.. & i think im underpaid.. i mean, 20 bucks a day.. c'mon man.. i work from 7-4 saaak! i feel so cheap labour-ed.. pffft..
anyways, i sms-ed sal & fid just now & requested for my bday present.. u see.. my bday is in exactly 2 mths.. wooopedeedooo!! my big 2-0.. so, being e tak tau malu person that i am.. i asked for the princess hours dvd.. ok.. ill be waiting!!! im already thinking of lists of things i want. dont worry.. ill keep it under budget.. i dont need extravagent stuff.. just folow e list ill post up
SOON & u guys are on the right track hokay!
haha.. basket, nisa's bday blum lepas.. who e hell am i kidding?! but den again, im really serious about my bday present list hokay.. no kidding.. I SWEAR!!!!
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 12:09 am
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yesterday's mad raya outing definitely concluded MY raya this year. e celebrations has been a little bit on e mendak-ed side due to exams & what nots.. (& not to forget that its my last year receiving those much needed monetary funds.. shits!)
ok back to ydae's mad raya.. a toyota altis & kia caren became our modes of transport.. the whole affair was very chilled, relaxed... no sense of rush at all.. i liiiiike.. =)
akmal actually sms-ed me in the morning & asked me to fetch him from his house to go to nisa's.. believe it or not.. they live just an avenue away! lazy bugger.. & bless him for calling me his "sahabat sejati".. har har.. so after fetching him, he became my navigator to fetch sally from work.. (i was in a pretty good mood & it was fun watching akmal turning & twisting the street directory.. if i ever enter the amazing race, im gonna make him my partner. seriously!)
as usual, kiter berjanji melayu.. hehe... & contacting fidi, mimi, mamat was such a hassle man! in the end, all cant make it.. BASKET! bubbled us.. sheesh! in the end it was just e 12 of us.. just nice for both vehicles... yeay..
i was feeling very tokyo drift, so sorry to my passengers.. oh... & i almost hit a biker.. it was raining lah & im not a good tagger.. but all reached e destination safe & sound. so cnnt complain arh!
i have to say the best part about the outing were the car rides.. not because i was e driver but because we had fun.. having our own mini concerts.. singing to westlife & enrique's "bailamos".. haha.. e bailamos was a killer man!! yat, u shld start a singing career.. hah.. i swear i heard u doing a falsetto.. haha..
anyways, do enjoy the pics..
everyone just looked so darn happy!! (maybe except for fana.. haha..)
my mad girls minus azi.. (we miss u oh so much honey!)
e toyota altis peoper....
me, nisa & the altis..
e happy "RED" family...
we were posing for full length shots.. what's hari raya without full length shots right?? show off baju kurung sikit..
the happy-matching couples..
me & my navigator.. (too bad he's taken & he's younger than me.. hah!)
people who made it...
not to forget, the 2 ustads who actually "loved" teaching us.. i mean, who can ask for better students??? heh...
aaaaaand... what's a mad outing without feizel, yat (& if abri was there) trying to make MY life miserable eh?? feizel actually wanted to kill me! tsk tsk dude... I colour ur very mundane life hokay.. if i do say so meself... ;)
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 9:55 pm
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sorry for the lack of updates. due to laziness & due to e excessive dvds lying around the house which were just calling me to watch them.
& yes, im back to my korean drama addiction. whoever said korean guys are not cute with mata sepet & pantat bacins are so misguided man.. seriously. how can one not see their cuteness, hotness, handsomeness, koreaness??
HOLY SHIT OF ALL SHITS!! all i can say for this fella is.. god bless his korean blood..
see what i mean?
im not gonna flood my entry with excessive pictures of these 3 dudes coz ull just get bored.. but damnit.. how can they look so damn good & sound good even in korean?? sheesh!! i think im seriously SERIOUSLY going bonkers.. being a bed potato is not helping my blood circulation. none is going to my brain..
so pardon me alright?
i dont even feel hungry when i watched "princess hours" & "my lovely sam soon"!! (both series lasted about 24hours & 16hours respectively to complete)
now im drowning myself... in these...
im a lost cause arent i??? just tell me so when u see me so alright??
in less than 12hrs.. im e supposed designated driver for our mad raya outing.. updates later!!! (azi oh we miss u sooooo... =))
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 1:19 am
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oh look. its 2 in the morning. ive been murdering my eyes with episodes of roswell & prison break.. (ok, i need u all to shush bout this prison break thing alright.. we can talk business if u'd like.. ehem ehem.. heheh)
anyways, im emotionally
kinda stable
already. so there's no need to put me under any section 32 ok mr policeman?? im fine.. FINE!
so, met fana at lot 1 after her work. i wont call it work lah beb. i think i wanna call it,
FRIDGE PRISON. i mean u did complain about e freezing temperatures..
we did a whole lot of catching up. realised some very hilarious head, body, hand gestures.. haha.. its been in us all this while beb..
oh let's sidetrack awhile.. dont u hate it if someone just takes something from u right under ur nose when ur JUST about to reach it? i hate it lah siol!
me & the beb were just about to reach this table when this guy sardinely put his things & sat down. like wtf? pretend like u dont see us?? makes me wonder if chivalry is dead or not. or just plain courtesy for that matter. sheesh..
after dinner, we went "shopping". bought new vcds again. i can hear ALL of u sighing all the way from toh guan lah caaan. STOP IT. im an addict. there's no cure for a vcd addict. no cure. its sad i know.. leave me be.. ill be fine!! hah =)
oh, we also bought chino pants. chino reminds me so much of ryan from THE OC man.. gaaawd i miss that show. oh wait, season 4 has actually started showing in america 2 days ago. i say not fair...
ok.. back to roswell.. michael's waiting.. (suddenly, i just simply
luuuurve that name..)
reality can wait a few more days.. ;)
check out the biceps!! i feel his pain. i swear i really do..
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 2:15 am
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change is definitely on the menu.
im officially done wif year 3 sem 1. mental health paper was pure crap. but that's besides the point. ill probably scrape through a D. D+ would be a freaking bonus!
alright. had a pretty interesting phone conversation with nisa. very interesting. i solved some missing jigsaw pieces of my life. wait. actually, i already know these pieces existed. but u know, we're all humans. we tend to deny the truth most of the time. let's face it. truth hurts like a son of a bitch man! sorry for e vulgarities. but i just felt like saying it. i mean its not like im saying it
per se.. holy crap! im babbling. that's just great.
as u can see.. im vulnerably emotional (as qouted frm fana). sorry beb. but im experiencing wat e hell ur experiencing. not that i haf a boyfriend to miss or anything. but oh u get the picture.
sometimes, during long train rides, especially e ones back & forth school.. my mind tends to get into pretty wild imaginations. i wont say wild. i'd say emotionally unstable. u see.. take for example..
EXHIBIT A:i met my lecture mate at e train platform. she was with another guy lecturemate. ive seen them together on a few occassions but i never thought of putting them together. u know what i mean by together riite? rite, i assume u do. anyways.. so we boarded the train. she & that guy "friend" sat right opposite of me. she smiled. e malu-malu kucing kind.so i smiled back. then i think she ddnt bother about my presence anymore coz she started holding the guy's hand. eh! i KNOW its a normal reaction for boyfriend-girlfriend to do hokay. im not stupid. but i guess she knew I knew she had a bf but not this one. pretty shocking. but id say its ok. its none of my business anyway. the thing that really gets me all "emotionally unstable" is the way they just held hands in quietness. its like they understand each other. its like a brain wave thing. & it really made me sad. i know u think im crazy but im not. then i thought to myself "damnit! i wish i had something like that."EXHIBIT B:the bus ride home. it was making a turn. the green man was still on & i saw an elder brother fetching his younger sister from school. e elder brother was carrying his sister's school bag & holding her hand. i can tell she feels protected from the world coz her older brother's there right next to her to take care of her. she has nothing in the world to even worry about. i dont even know why it's getting me all emotional but wouldnt it be perfect if i did have an older brother to rely on, to take care of all my shit?but then again. life aint perfect. it never is. that's what makes it somewhat bearable. if it's TOO perfect, it's TOO boring. i dont even know what emotional crap im babbling about but its been on my head lately. i think reading too much on mental health is making me seriously mental!
fine! i have one month of holiday to look forward too.. & $$ to earn.. & i might try a lil somethin' somethin' to my otherwise very mundane life. heh ....
happy working & schooling to all u miserable ppl out there!!!
posted by: [nurul]haya @ 6:00 pm
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