Thursday, November 02, 2006

change is definitely on the menu.

im officially done wif year 3 sem 1. mental health paper was pure crap. but that's besides the point. ill probably scrape through a D. D+ would be a freaking bonus!

alright. had a pretty interesting phone conversation with nisa. very interesting. i solved some missing jigsaw pieces of my life. wait. actually, i already know these pieces existed. but u know, we're all humans. we tend to deny the truth most of the time. let's face it. truth hurts like a son of a bitch man! sorry for e vulgarities. but i just felt like saying it. i mean its not like im saying it per se.. holy crap! im babbling. that's just great.

as u can see.. im vulnerably emotional (as qouted frm fana). sorry beb. but im experiencing wat e hell ur experiencing. not that i haf a boyfriend to miss or anything. but oh u get the picture.

sometimes, during long train rides, especially e ones back & forth school.. my mind tends to get into pretty wild imaginations. i wont say wild. i'd say emotionally unstable. u see.. take for example..

EXHIBIT A:
i met my lecture mate at e train platform. she was with another guy lecturemate. ive seen them together on a few occassions but i never thought of putting them together. u know what i mean by together riite? rite, i assume u do. anyways.. so we boarded the train. she & that guy "friend" sat right opposite of me. she smiled. e malu-malu kucing kind.
so i smiled back. then i think she ddnt bother about my presence anymore coz she started holding the guy's hand. eh! i KNOW its a normal reaction for boyfriend-girlfriend to do hokay. im not stupid. but i guess she knew I knew she had a bf but not this one. pretty shocking. but id say its ok. its none of my business anyway.

the thing that really gets me all "emotionally unstable" is the way they just held hands in quietness. its like they understand each other. its like a brain wave thing. & it really made me sad. i know u think im crazy but im not. then i thought to myself "damnit! i wish i had something like that."

EXHIBIT B:
the bus ride home. it was making a turn. the green man was still on & i saw an elder brother fetching his younger sister from school. e elder brother was carrying his sister's school bag & holding her hand. i can tell she feels protected from the world coz her older brother's there right next to her to take care of her. she has nothing in the world to even worry about. i dont even know why it's getting me all emotional but wouldnt it be perfect if i did have an older brother to rely on, to take care of all my shit?

but then again. life aint perfect. it never is. that's what makes it somewhat bearable. if it's TOO perfect, it's TOO boring.

i dont even know what emotional crap im babbling about but its been on my head lately. i think reading too much on mental health is making me seriously mental!

fine! i have one month of holiday to look forward too.. & $$ to earn.. & i might try a lil somethin' somethin' to my otherwise very mundane life. heh ....

happy working & schooling to all u miserable ppl out there!!!

posted by: [nurul]haya @ 6:00 pm

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