Tuesday, October 07, 2008

you know what makes me happy??

chocolates. smiles. romantic comedies. good reads. music. travels. family gatherings.

sadly, i've been plunging into the realms of depression & loneliness.. hey, i've heard of the phrase "a person is only lonely if she makes herself be". god knows where i heard it from, but that's not really important, no? i have the bestest friends in the world right now but there's just that tiny part of me that's screaming out "I AM SO ALONE".

a relative who i havent seen in ages asked me through msn not too long ago.. "how do you deal? i mean with all the shit you're going through?"

my answer?? "i just deal. i don't know how but i just tell myself.. today's a sucky day.. tomorrow will be better.. so look alive!"

the thought processes that's churning through my brains now is enough to make me explode or worst case scenario, make me burst into tears, again. my comfort zone is wearing off.. where is that self-confident, hilarious, i-don't-give-a-shit, let's break the rules person? right now, i don't quite really know..

i'm leading 2 personas. swinging in a pendulum between happiness & hypocrisy. i keep myself upbeat by continuing to enjoy the things & people i love but the hypocrisy part will loom it's dark aura around me time & again.

nevermind the money i get, i actually really enjoy what i do & it's what i know i do best. i can keep asking myself questions but when will be the time i can say "enough is enough"??

im betting, that you are as clueless as I am to the jargon i spilled above.
i'll be running.. running far far & away...

p.s: this is going to be so unrelevant to the point i've just stated above but i can't stay unhappy for far too long. makes me lose my "chi" & it's really no good for my MOJO, yes?

this song has that calming effect i really much enjoy. not so much the movie (eventhough i personally LOVED it on a whole different level).. i'm pondering the lyrics.. so take a listen =)

posted by: [nurul]haya @ 12:45 am

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