Saturday, November 22, 2008

i.am.tired.
period.

i'm just so freaking tired no amount of words can surmize what is twirling in my head. at this point of time, i'm wishing the world would swallow me whole, suck me into some deep dimention so i don't have to face this... thing. we all know the truth hurts like a sonofabitch, but seriously, what more to it can there be?

firstly can i just say we're too old for this shit?! we've been through so goddamn much together to be getting into a petty fight against each other. really.. of course, each is entitled to an opinion. i for one had my very own opinion of what happened but don't u think it's a little too far by hurting each other with silly words virtually?? don't we deserve to face each other up front & talk it all out? isn't that the way it shld be? put aside that assholic ego we all hold & say that piece of mind?

i feel like crying thinking about how things have turned out.
i feel like crying because i can't believe you ddn't turn up for the birthday when you said you would if i went. i did, so where were you?
i feel like crying because our friendship means so much to each other and we deserve more than this.
i feel like crying thinking about the past times when we only had each other, when boys ddnt matter, when all we did was make each other cry with laughter.
i feel like crying thinking that this could be the end for us because our egos are just too big for our heads.
i feel like crying because i don't know what to do anymore.

seriously, what is wrong with us??? yes, we have had our fair share of complaints and seriously, i don't think we've ever said it to each others' faces have we? probably because we were having too much fun laughing with each other & just having fun that we forget about the things that make us imperfect.

it is obviously natural for some us to be closer to each other than the others. so if we're unhappy about something in the group, they'll be the first people we acknowledge. then we filter words and choose what is to be said to everyone. and for us, everyone will come to the consensus that we should all move on from the bad memories and be happy together.

it may seem bloody pretentious of me to want things to go back to the way they were. times when we really miss hanging out just as girls. bitching about godknowswho, about godknowswhat. times when we make it a point, no matter how bloody busy we are, to celebrate birthdays each different than the years before. we've known each other from way back when, when we were still saying "i don't want to 'geng' u anymore".

is it too much for me to want everything to go back to normal?? i've had it. i am still sad & disappointed you ddn't come but i've said it all. if it's all because of a trip which showed all of our true colours that we turn out like this? i think we just suck as friends.

we need to sit down & talk shit out my loves. i really miss you guys.
i really do.

and p.s: i seriously am crying now because i'll be leaving soon and this HAS to happen. i feel like it's my fault.

i'm really, really sorry.

posted by: [nurul]haya @ 11:59 pm

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